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Phoenix_Nomad
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Name: Jennifer
Location: Indiana, United States
Birthday: 1/9/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: World music, art, back rubs, my internet addiction
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/3/2005
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| So I'm having a 'sanity not included' sort of time, having arrived back at my mother's house after a wonderful weekend away. So, I'm going to make a list of chores I've accomplished and things I've convinced myself to give or throw away. Small things, but that's what I've got going atm.
I consolidated some of the articles in front of my bedroom door (not mine), found space on the bookshelf for the sideways stacked books on the floor, and generally cleared more space for me to ambulate.
Last week I gathered a bunch of sheets that were blocking my door and washed and dried them; today I folded them and put them in the linen closet. Also not mine. Also no, no one used the laundry in that time frame of their own accord.
I re-washed the dishes in the dishwasher which I loaded, since the soap failed to dispense properly. No one did this while I was gone this weekend.
From earlier: I hauled 8 bags of trash out of the garage, mostly cardboard that was to-be-recycled, but never was. Also all five outdoor trash cans were filled and both recycling bins. Go me.
The week before, all five trash cans and both recycling bins were full. Go me. Also going to estimate 6 loads of dishes - no, they weren't mine.
I purchased and replaced multiple burnt out light bulbs with new aesthetically pleasing and energy saving CFL bulbs. Also, they won't burn out as quickly. Yes, they contain mercury and need proper disposal, but they claim they will last several years. Also cleaned a couple of light fixtures in the process.
I cleaned my brother's shower. I made him hand me paper towels and hold the trash bag open while I did so.
I cleaned the stovetop. This went along with many dishes. It is more than half obscured again.
I threw out several bags of junk from the back room of the basement, gave a bag of old toys to goodwill, and began helping my brother hang his clothes in the barely accessible closet back there - made only slightly more accessible by my efforts. Also, I did the laundry for him. I did boss him around a bit.
Things I've gotten rid of, belonging to me:
Cordless Green Telephone I've had since high school - use cell phone now
Multiple bags of clothing
My old marching band shoes
Frog shaped lamp
6 pairs of shoes
three colored light up electric fan
night stand
desk
several loads of books to half-price
television stand
gold standing lamp
other knick knacks
Am I there yet? Absolutely not. Am I going to give myself credit for the progress I have made? Absolutely.
Job interview to be a substitute teacher tomorrow. Here's hoping; since the four interviews I've had to be an actual lead teacher didn't land a gig. Not counting all the apps where I didn't land an interview.
Ugh. I need to just have a bonfire for all this stupid stuff.
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| Wondering where my loyalties lie. To mother, brother and sisters? To all this clutter I can't seem to part with except ever so tediously, and then only some of it? To my degree - my supposed career path. What is my anchor any way? Do I have one? Am I just making some up for the sake of eliminating other paths and simplifying the whole daunting mess?
Can I deal with part time employment in my field and part time employment in something else? As I said today, convincing myself, I would rather part time in my field and part time in another than full time in another. I need to be teaching art. So what if I wait tables on the weekend if I get to teach art a couple of days a week? Maybe substituting too. Arg. Three jobs to get out of my mother's house. And even then, I sometimes wonder if she even supports me gaining employment or if she'd rather just see me stay home and play her housekeeper and bend to her whims. I want to be near enough to care, not ensnared. Oh how to do that, especially *gasp, we'll say it again* with this economy. And the ever frustrating fact, as I'm finding out, that school districts like to wait until the very last minute, sometimes even after the school year has already started, to get around to hiring their teachers. This is incredibly frustrating. I mean honestly. We need time to get the rest of our freaking lives together. It's not like other jobs where there can be a time in between being hired and when you start...the start of the school year is set. And fast approaching. Blek.
And then there's the whole family mess. Mom hardly taking care of herself, not getting on top of getting my brother on waiting lists to get career counseling through the state's programs for persons with disabilities. No one doing the dishes except for me (no, I mean this literally, not just in the whiny fashion). If I'm gone for a week, they are all in the sink. Sometimes my middle sis shoulders this as well...if either of us isn't doing three loads a day it's disaster. 2/5 people doing dishes...the same amount of days I might, possibly be employed. Why am I willing to consider this when I could make more money elsewhere? When it's only part time? It was difficult not to blurt out "because this is the only lead I've got that I haven't already been turned down from or completely ignored at the moment, and schools start next week!"
And then there is the offer of cash in exchange for doing tasks around the house. Hasn't that been the bribery used to fund my entire college education? Never straightforward expectations, always passive/aggressive, tit for tat, well I'll quit paying tuition if this demand is not met bull shit. Since this continues as long as I'm under this roof, even if just for a 12 hour visit, it's easy to see why working three jobs and having very little social life is preferable to this scenario.
At the moment about the only reason I'm even slightly sane is all the clutter I have secretly disposed of, as well as the further items of my own I was inspired to get rid of/donate to goodwill upon being re-submersed into this hell hole. And the two kittens, and the possibility of a job. Those are the only things keeping me sane.
My sinuses, lungs and cough are definitely in protest. I did finally get enough of the kitchen cleared to be able to use the stove so my stomach is happier since I don't have to have fast food for every meal. I've done a bunch of dishes and laundry. I've replaced a bunch of lightbulbs, with CFL bulbs this time - ones that are more aesthetic, so hopefully they will last as they claim. At least longer than a couple of months.
Thank God for Mac laptops, wireless internet, NetFlix, and Goodwill.
I miss Italy (sparked by the song). If I do attain employment, I'm going to keep living the college/poverty lifestyle, but save up to travel, save up in general. Acquiring stuff is over rated any way. Trust me. I need to continue working on de-acquisition. Goodwill, Yard Sales. Utilizing libraries, NetFlix, and Half Price books is a major life saver. At some point I really need to settle on an art media to focus on and start setting up sales...I have so many art supplies, I hate carting everything around...I need to just start selling things, and I need to be confident enough in their quality to do so. I'll get to that...after I get this whole 'income' thing, as well as my own housing going. Maybe when I run a little lower on stuff, and a littler higher on money, a tent on another continent will suffice for housing. yay nomadic!
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| http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8179059.stm
I just ran across this case, and it reminds me so much of my own brother - and the potential legal trouble he could get himself into between his computer skills and his conspiracy theory paranoia I had to blog on it.
I feel that this case definitely needs to be examined through the lens of how we handle legal cases involving persons with Asperger's or Autism. My heart goes out to this family and I definitely stand by them. I pray that my family never has to go through a similar situation - but the similarities I see are so stark I know it's very possible.
Here's the text:
Hacker mother appeals to Obama The mother of a UK computer hacker facing extradition to the US has called on President Barack Obama to intervene. Janis Sharp spoke after her son, Gary McKinnon, 43, of London, who has Asperger's Syndrome, lost a court bid to avoid extradition. The US wants to try Mr McKinnon for what it calls the biggest military computer hack ever in 2001/02. He maintains he was seeking UFO evidence. Ms Sharp said: "Please hear us, Obama. I know you would do the right thing." A letter has been sent to the US president signed by 40 British MPs asking him to step in and "bring this shameful episode to an end". Speaking outside the High Court, Ms Sharp said President Obama should help those campaigning on her son's behalf make the world "a more compassionate place". "Obama wouldn't have this. He doesn't want the first guy extradited for computer misuse to be a guy with Asperger's [Syndrome], a UFO guy. "I'm just praying, please hear us, Obama, because I know you would do the right thing," she added. Glasgow-born Mr McKinnon admits hacking by accessing 97 government computers belonging to organisations such as the US Navy and Nasa, but denies it was malicious. He also denies the allegation he caused damage costing $800,000 (£487,000). He has always insisted he was looking for classified documents on UFOs, which he believed the US authorities had suppressed. Supreme Court challenge Mr McKinnon has challenged refusals by the home secretary and the director of public prosecutions (DPP) to try him in the UK. But the DPP refused to order a UK trial, saying the bulk of the evidence was located in the US and Mr McKinnon's actions were directed against the US military infrastructure.  Gary McKinnon suffers from Asperger's Syndrome | Mr McKinnon could face 60 years or more in prison if convicted in the US. Whether or not he can appeal to the new UK Supreme Court - due to launch in October - will be decided later, Lord Justice Burnton, one of two High Court judges to hear his case, said earlier. The two judges ruled extradition was "a lawful and proportionate response" to his offence, even though they conceded he might find extradition and prison in the US "very difficult indeed". Mr McKinnon's lawyers argued extradition was "unnecessary, avoidable and disproportionate". Karen Todner said her client was "clearly not equipped" to deal with the American penal system. 'Out to dry' Tory leader David Cameron said the case raised "serious questions" about the extradition pact between the US and UK. "Gary McKinnon is a vulnerable young man and I see no compassion in sending him thousands of miles away from his home and loved ones to face trial."  | US-UK EXTRADITION TREATY 2003 treaty, agreed in aftermath of 9/11 attacks Offence must be punishable by one year or more in jail in both countries US has to prove "reasonable suspicion" for extradition of a British citizen To extradite an American from the US, British must prove "probable cause" Since 2004, 46 people have been sent from the UK to the US for trial, and 27 from US to UK | Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman Chris Huhne claimed the American government would not "hang one of their citizens out to dry in the same way". "The [UK] government must ensure that the US-UK Extradition Treaty is repealed and that its replacement treats US and British citizens equally," he said. But Home Secretary Alan Johnson insisted he had no power to demand the trial take place in the UK. "Mr McKinnon is accused of serious crimes and the US has a lawful right to seek his extradition, as we do when we wish to prosecute people who break our laws." He added that he had "clear assurances from the US" that Mr McKinnon's health and welfare needs would be met. Mr McKinnon has already appealed unsuccessfully to the House of Lords and the European Court of Human Rights.
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| How lovely would it be if organizing one's apartment, room, etc. were quite as simple as organizing one's internet bookmarks?
If you haven't yet discovered delicious bookmarks, you may have no idea what I'm talking about.
But if you have, and/or you are a creative overthinker type like I am, you know that if cleaning your place was like tagging bookmarks, life would be much simpler.
Now, I'm not sure how it would be physically possible to 'tag' things the way you do in delicious in cleaning efforts. Really, most cleaning and organizing types high light the need to simplify categorization to really get free of clutter and getting 'stuck' at any particular juncture. But that's the beautiful thing about delicious, you don't have to oversimplify your usual tendency to make things over complicated; and in doing so you don't have to 're-think,' or try to rewire how your synapses seem to be more randomly (I say creatively) associated than others.
We could also blame this whole phenomenon on a plethora of other diagnoses, from ADHD to OCD to autism. The argument for ADHD or ADD will probably hold a certain degree of water. But simply fighting back with stimulant medication doesn't get to the root of the issue of overcreativity or complex categorization. And really I'm not offering any solution so much as praising the brain storm file system of delicious in comparison to hard copy filing systems that leave individuals like me tearing their hair out.
Perhaps that's just it; if more of the information could be transmitted online instead of via paper, it would help reduce the anxiety and organizational difficulties of those who employ the 'horizontal filing system,' aka papers on every available surface that we can identify by strata, but otherwise have no logical organizing.
All this is just more excuses for me, again having organized all of my internet bookmarks (I don't always tag to delicious, and when the list on my own hard drive backs up; at some point I transfer them all), but I have done relativley little to clean my apartment.
*sigh*
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| Is it selfish of me to want to retreat into my shell, curl up in my blankets and read all the novels that have sat dusty and neglected on my shelf for lack of time to really, enjoyably read them? I finished one such novel today. I've read 44 pages of the next volume I've chosen. Ironically about the oppressive atmosphere of Iran in the late 1990s, especially for women. The crack down on universities and actual intellectual discourse, wardrobe malfunction and such sinful things as nail polish and uncovered hair. While a cold snapshot of history that is not quite the same picture of life in Iran now, or anywhere else at any other time, the thematic element of female oppression echoes across cultures, no matter the degree. And while I find myself engaged in my reading, and glad I'm finally taking the time; as if now that I've finished my degree it's finally time to start my education, huzzah for overused cliches; it does set my blood to boiling when in the back of my mind instances from across the world, and in my own country and state further serve to prove we still have not gotten over the gender gap. Denying a girl from her graduation exercises because she wishes to wear dress pants and not a skirt or dress, the perpetual idea that women are supposed to have maternal instincts but men share no such common sense about how to deal with young humans, nor should they be bothered with it, and the general sense that it's not ok to be a SWF. Nevermind the epithets of younger adolescent girls that "well I'm still abstinent until marriage." Like those who aren't are somehow lesser beings. We're continually setting generations of woman up for rude awakenings and broken notions of life post K-12. And we're not even forcing them to wear the chador! Notice I said forcing, as in not the woman's choice. I'm not insinuating a markation of someone's faith is necessarily oppressive in it of itself, except when it's not really a reflection of that person's faith and actually a societal forcing of one's hand. I mean honestly. At some point I have to just take a break so as not to be completely infuriated.
Take the examples of video games in which the main objective is to rape, impregnant, subdue and even win the affection of the unwitting victim. Oh, and forcing her to abort, or killing her and the child if she carries to term. Seriously? This is a video game? More than one, in fact. I've never been a big proponent of gaming censorship; and definitely violent video games do not mean casaulity of violent crimes. But seriously. I think there's a big difference between blasting the undead to pieces and actively engaging in the subjugation and all too real act of rape. I mean seriously, how did these games even make it through development much less to sales? Amazon has ceased selling either of the games I'm alluding to after complaints, but they're still available through other avenues. I think this is a much bigger deal, and much more damaging, than women wearing pants. Heaven forbid, pants!
And while we're on the subject of rape, let's highlight the concept of 'not actually date rape,' especially since it was not only date rape, it was gang rape. The University involved actually cited 'well it was not actually date rape.' Seriously? It is or it isn't; and last time I checked, no meant no. And alcohol involved or no, a University siding with the multiple male perpetrators, officially and in print, seems pretty ridiculous to me. I wonder which guys' parents paid off some university officials. Granted that yes, every case is different, but really, there is no such thing as 'kind-of' date rape, especially with three guys in one incident. That's bull shit. Although I suppose it's nothing compared to other nations, where women that report their rapes are often stoned to death for adultery. Being denied access to emergency contraception and having your insurance billed for your rape kit seem mild in comparison.
I really should choose lighter reading material.
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I'm just praying, please hear us, Obama, because I know you would do the right thing 
